I've Done It!

I’ve signed up and got started. I’m officially dating. What was good was that I didn’t even have to leave the house to do it. What was bad was writing that wretched, embarrassing, demeaning profile bit. How would I know what I’m like? Anything I do know about myself should not be revealed to strangers, so it’s all a bunch of lies (well some of it anyway). It’s pointless and yet completely necessary at the same time.

So what am I expecting? I’m really having to force myself not to expect the same as last time I did this, I have to say. Last time was ruined (within weeks) by an absolute nutter, and quite a scary one too. I like to think that this time I would recognise the warning signs. Warning signs such as:

1) Conversation that pretty much stuck to how much women got their own way all the time thanks to their feminine wiles.
2) Describing his divorce in minute and bitter detail.
3) Sending emails demanding to know why I haven’t agreed to see him again.
4) Followed by emails that claim I ensnare men for my psychological experiments.

As a disclaimer I would like to state that I have never, ever conducted experiments on men. Not for psychological reasons or for pleasure.

I hope you can see why I would like to avoid this type like the plague this time round. I will update when I have some news!

Other People's Relationship Disasters - And Me

Another day, another excuse as to why I haven’t done any online dating yet. I’ve got a sort of an excuse though, albeit a lame one. This last week, I have been far too closely involved in two people’s relationship problems. Friend number 1 is going through a break up with someone who has suddenly developed the emotional age of a 3 year old. Don’t get me wrong, he was hardly my favourite bloke in the world before hand but even I’m amazed at the shocking decline. Watching the heartbreak is painful in itself.

Second friend has given me deeper cause for concern, principally because the incident became so personal to me. I went round her and her partner’s house for the evening, only for her to get totally bladdered and accuse her boyfriend and myself of there being something going on! Nothing could be further from the truth and he is the last guy IN THE WORLD that I would even consider it with. Trouble is, how do you defend yourself with something like that? It’s going to cause further offence and then you’re in deeper than you were before.

So, both other people’s problems. But they’ve really made me value the lack of - relationship induced - complications in my life at the moment! Not really what I needed in terms of online dating motivation. I’m hoping that this week will provide something, anything(!) to get me started.

Any suggestions???

Forget Online Dating - Let's Talk Bowing and Breeches

Just before Christmas I posted a blog (although I’ve switched everything over to blogspot so the dates will look all wrong) about the trials of being single at that time of year. One of the pluses, I mused at the end, was drinking wine and watching chick flicks to my heart’s content. Well, never let it be said that I’m not a woman of my word.

I watched costume drama after costume drama - Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Emma. I positively gorged on it. Before long all real men, who committed no other crime than to simply walk past me on the street, took on a strange, ‘not from this world’ type feel and you don’t need to tell me that that’s not a positive thing. I had willingly altered my own perspective and ruled out all men of under 300 years old. Kind of weird when you think about it (please don‘t).

So, what is it about women and costume dramas? Why is it we go so doolally about men in breeches?? I know that this is hardly an original concept but it’s no less true for it. And there seems to be a resurgence in interest at the moment. Just before Christmas, I had a conversation with a very good friend of mine about Rupert Penry-Jones in Persuasion. Nothing odd there, you might say, he looks great. But this particular friend of mine is just about the most modern woman I know. She gets away with the most cutting edge fashion, always knows the latest celebrity gossip and the music she listens too always seems to me to be beamed straight in from iTunes. Ok, I might not be painting the most appealing picture of her (for the record, she’s absolutely lovely) but you surely get the picture. She oozes modernity. Everything about her is effortlessly ’of the minute’.

So why was she sighing and wistfully talking about swanning around in an empire line dress!? Let’s have a guess:

Justification number 1. These classic stories always tell the tale of young men desperately in love. This leads us to believe that ALL young men of days of old were desperately in love, and that had you been there, you’d have been tripping over them every time you left the house. Dosed up on Austen as I am, even I’m not daft enough to believe that.

Justification number 2. It all comes down to manners. If only men realised the irresistible charm of a man with manners. Bowing and breeches do go particularly well together, but all the same, a millennium man could learn a thing or 2 from these guys. Even Mr Darcy, who was considered to be a bit of a pompous arse had a shed load of manners!

Justification (lame though it is) number 3. We love the dresses. Maybe if we’re all (I’m) completely honest it’s probably a bit narcissistic really. Frankly, looking that lovely and floaty all the time must be a dream. How could you be anything BUT a man magnet?! I can’t imagine why we ever changed.

In case you hadn’t guessed I’ve done bugger all in the way of online dating this week and, in fact this year so far. What’s my excuse? Is it my pride?? Prejudice??? Nope, just too damn lazy.
Final verdict for this week - must try harder.

Christmas Dating - or lack of it

Ok, I said no more excuses but I can’t really be expected to get dating so close to Christmas can I?? There’s simply too much to do. Shopping, food planning, visiting, swapping presents, eating mince pies. That last one seems to have taken more of my time than the others to be honest, but hey, Christmas comes but once a year.

If you happen to be single, what’s it like being with your family at this time of year? I must admit, mine aren’t too bad. Or at least they don’t make it any worse than it has to be.

Personally, I’ve never really minded attending family gatherings on my own, maybe because my last partner was so rarely around I think most people didn’t believe he actually existed. So it’s no big deal for me to go somewhere on my own. I’m used to it.

However, there are most definitely some little but consistent indignities to bear. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t shoved off the end of a sofa and relegated to the floor. Why does this always have to happen to the single people in the room?? Why is it so unimportant that their arses are pampered and comfy? Sitting on a pouf when you’re 37 is NOT appropriate. Or maybe it’s just me.

Indignity number 2: being asked about your love life. I know, it’s a cliché but I’m sorry to say, Bridget Jones was right about this one. It’s a personal question for crying out loud! Asking somebody about the state of their marriage would be considered an impertinence, and rightly so. However I respond, it always manages to create an awkward atmosphere. There’s only 1 correct answer to this, and it’s ‘actually, it’s going great, I’ve met someone called Joe, he works in accounts…blah, blah’ etc. If you can’t provide that answer, you’re buggered.

Third indignity has to be buying other people’s children presents. I know that single and childless don’t necessarily go hand in hand, but in my case they do and I cannot put into words the stress and blind panic such a chore invokes. The final slap in the face comes from the blank, unimpressed expressions on their faces when they open them.

But hey-ho (or ho ho), Christmas is coming whether or not we choose to get on and enjoy it and I have to sneakily admit that I do. I cannot get enough of the lights, the jingle bells and the promises of TV delights!

So, the pluses of the single Christmas? I get to sit indoors drinking wine and watching chick flicks to my heart’s content with my Mum!! See, it isn’t all bad, this single life :)