The Elite of the Beautiful People?

You may have seen some discussions about the online dating site beautifulpeople.com lately as it seems to be courting controversy by only allowing attractive people - as rated by their current members - to join up and fraternise with one another. The general consensus amongst commentators is that this is no way to approach finding love because it’s “superficial” and “shallow” and totally against the “beauty is only skin deep” mantra that we sagely nod along to these days.

But how about “misguided”? Possibly even “immature”. I mean, I know looks are undoubtedly one of the most important factors for judging others when we meet someone and there is no way we can deny the overwhelming power of physical attraction. But I can’t help but notice that looks are not the greatest indicator of successful relationships. Hollywood may be the home of the beautiful people but sadly doesn’t have such a great track record when it comes to enduring marriages.

And thinking about it, this actually seems to be bear out as a theory in my own life. All of the best looking people that I know are still unmarried or single in their thirties, the happily paired up ones are a little on the homely side. But lovely people, all of them, of course.

Weirder still is that none of this will stop me fretting over the way I look and trying to aim for perfection - however woefully short I may fall. Go figure.

Oh, nothing really

I had a bad week this week. Nothing major in the grand scheme of things, but it was certainly what they call 'a challenge'. There are very few times when being single truly affects me but for some reason it hit home these last few days. While friends and family can be a real support to you (and they have been great) it can be difficult to reach out to them to often as you want as you don't want to appear needy.

But this is hard in itself - being in a relationship offers you support on tap (ok, not always, I appreciate that). But you have to deal with so much more when you're on your own, find the strength not to collapse in a heap and solider on the hard way. I don't really have a point to make on this, but just wanted to acknowledge our guts!

I have a feeling this is a subject I'll return to at some point.

Science and Soulmates?

I don’t usually go anywhere near the Mail online but this article intrigued me - although possibly didn’t surprise me all that much. If you’re not inclined to read it, and who could blame you, it focuses on psychometric testing and its uses in matching people on dating sites.

It intrigued me as it got me thinking over some of the experiences I’ve had - dates that I‘ve thought should have gone well, people that I shouldn‘t have fancied but have. The article correctly points out that there is no substitution for attraction, but just where does attraction come from anyway? And since when was it based on logical processes?? I fell for an ex the moment I laid eyes on him and it turned out the be the worse mistake of my life. He was in no way a looker, don’t get me wrong. Just felt immensely drawn to him. Another guy I dated for a while was the epitome of sweetness but I couldn’t, try as I might, see him as anything other than a friend. I can also recall someone that I emailed back and forth once on a dating site and couldn’t believe how clever and erudite this guy was. I LOVED talking to him - online. Within 5 minutes of being on the phone with him I was bored rigid and truly started to question if it was the same guy!

I wonder if psychometric testing could make sense of any of that for me? And if it can, I doubt it could persuade me to make different decisions. Maybe we’re just not good at doing what’s best for ourselves.

Anyways, the article certainly drew no conclusions (and neither did the comments underneath it) - some seemed to know right away when talking to a prospective partner online, some were left feeling disappointed. So what? Seems to me that psychometric testing creates just the same odds as luck - some you win, some you lose!

Angela x