Bearing in mind my last post about being too choosy, it would appear that actually it's eharmony. A friend has just signed up to see her matches and found that there were none! Is this common, has this happened to others. Frankly I daren't look.
This is the friend responsible for this site mind - steamy stories. Maybe they have a point about her state of mind!
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Sunday, 12 September 2010
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Is there such a thing as being too choosy?
My bestest, most delectable friend stayed overnight and my apologies to the whole of the south of England for the incessant chattering and giggling that you may have been able to hear. On the plus side, much frustration and indignation has been dissipated so we're happy bunnies again. For the time being.
She is also, to all intents and purposes single athough there are men in her life. Here are her choices:
She is also, to all intents and purposes single athough there are men in her life. Here are her choices:
- A somewhat snobby guy who questions her on the meaning of the words he's just used. Nothing more romantic than a little test of the intellect is there?
- Mr 'Brings-a-Little-Old-ashioned-Romance-But-Also-Brings-the-Smarm-Factor'. Very keen on valuing her friendship but gets irritated when she doesn't want to go to bed.
- A guy who everyone thinks is perfect (herself included) but he just can't bring himself to make a decision about what he wants. He's just 'so confused'.
- A guy she knew in the past but has had problems with alcohol abuse and isn't fully recovered as yet. He got a bit aggressive with her and then promptly followed this up by asking her out.
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
'Who Loves Ya Baby' Syndrome
God. I was out this evening and bumped into someone who I haven't seen for a few years. I was subjected to what I have recently been calling the 'Who Loves Ya Baby' syndrome where your interrogator grills you for information on your love life - their reasons for doing this are known only to them and certainly lost on me. First comes the question about whether or not you have a boyfriend. When that draws a blank they start to move down the list towards your inevitable humiliation. Eventually, and you know it's coming, you're going to have to get to get it through to them that there is no one in your life - no boyfriend, no casual date, no one at all.
No amount of distraction, no talk of your other achievements, no talk of a great line up of fun, social events on the horizon will deter these courtship Kojak's in their mission to make a 'normal' of you! It was as ever a pleasure to disappoint :) I will, I have no doubt, revisit this subject.
No amount of distraction, no talk of your other achievements, no talk of a great line up of fun, social events on the horizon will deter these courtship Kojak's in their mission to make a 'normal' of you! It was as ever a pleasure to disappoint :) I will, I have no doubt, revisit this subject.
Monday, 4 January 2010
New Year, New Dating Drive?
Ok New Year, new dating drive right? Wrong. At least it’s wrong for now as I haven’t got a lot of time on my hands in January. That and the fact that the several hundred mince pies haven’t done much for my self esteem. I would of course embark on a doomed fitness regime along with everyone else but like I say, I’m busy for the next 3 or 4 days or however long it will take for everyone to start slumping back into the sofa, watching The One Show.
But that DOESN’T mean that I’m not planning on getting back out there. I had a bit of a pep talk from a friend on Christmas Eve and it’s really buoyed me up actually. It wasn’t that I was feeling particularly down but I had started to get used to the idea that I would stay on my own. I was beginning to have a singleton’s air about me and unfortunately I found it suited.
However, after one of her characteristic morale boosting speeches - which really do deserve a round of applause - I remembered that there are things I miss about having a boyfriend. Namely, someone to drink expensive wine with, someone to share the cost of drinking expensive wine with, weekends away looking at castles, someone to discuss the crapness of the rest of the world with and the obvious but all important romantic meals out. I don’t ask for much really do I? Watch this space because I shall be starting again soon! And if I don’t, please feel free to give me an online kick up the backside.
But that DOESN’T mean that I’m not planning on getting back out there. I had a bit of a pep talk from a friend on Christmas Eve and it’s really buoyed me up actually. It wasn’t that I was feeling particularly down but I had started to get used to the idea that I would stay on my own. I was beginning to have a singleton’s air about me and unfortunately I found it suited.
However, after one of her characteristic morale boosting speeches - which really do deserve a round of applause - I remembered that there are things I miss about having a boyfriend. Namely, someone to drink expensive wine with, someone to share the cost of drinking expensive wine with, weekends away looking at castles, someone to discuss the crapness of the rest of the world with and the obvious but all important romantic meals out. I don’t ask for much really do I? Watch this space because I shall be starting again soon! And if I don’t, please feel free to give me an online kick up the backside.
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
The Wrong Guy
Confession time. I went on a date and ending up sort of chatting up someone else!
Of course now I feel a bit bad, but to be honest the date wasn't going all that well and I was finding it hard to keep the conversation going. After about an hour and a half I happened to spot someone I know, and between you and me, quite fancy! There would never be anything going on between me and this fancy man, he's not the type to get involved with if you know what I mean. But he is always good company and I was in certainly in need of that! I popped over to say hello and then stayed a little longer than was formally polite. By which I mean I was blatantly flirting with him.
The thing is, rotten as I feel, I'm trying to figure out whether what I did was really all that terrible? Impolite, yes but terrible? I was really having to work hard to stop the conversation from grinding to a halt with this guy, he was hardly putting in any effort in at all and I was beginning to lose the will to carry on. Everytime I stopped talking in the desperate hope he would take the hint and say something he looked at me as if there was something wrong, like I wasn't fulfilling my side of the deal. In fact now I think of it, at one point he really did say, "You've gone quiet". I simply couldn't resist the temptation for a bit of light relief.
So, final conclusion. I know I was wrong to leave the poor guy sitting there, I was wrong to indulge in a little flirting - but do I regret squeezing a bit of a laugh out of the evening? Got to say, I don't think I do!
Of course now I feel a bit bad, but to be honest the date wasn't going all that well and I was finding it hard to keep the conversation going. After about an hour and a half I happened to spot someone I know, and between you and me, quite fancy! There would never be anything going on between me and this fancy man, he's not the type to get involved with if you know what I mean. But he is always good company and I was in certainly in need of that! I popped over to say hello and then stayed a little longer than was formally polite. By which I mean I was blatantly flirting with him.
The thing is, rotten as I feel, I'm trying to figure out whether what I did was really all that terrible? Impolite, yes but terrible? I was really having to work hard to stop the conversation from grinding to a halt with this guy, he was hardly putting in any effort in at all and I was beginning to lose the will to carry on. Everytime I stopped talking in the desperate hope he would take the hint and say something he looked at me as if there was something wrong, like I wasn't fulfilling my side of the deal. In fact now I think of it, at one point he really did say, "You've gone quiet". I simply couldn't resist the temptation for a bit of light relief.
So, final conclusion. I know I was wrong to leave the poor guy sitting there, I was wrong to indulge in a little flirting - but do I regret squeezing a bit of a laugh out of the evening? Got to say, I don't think I do!
Monday, 30 November 2009
The Advantages of Being Single
The advantages of being single are frankly not taken seriously enough. More likely to be seen as platitudes or ‘keeping your chin up’, reasons for enjoying the single life are actually life enhancing, good for the soul and blissful respite for those recovering from a difficult past relationship. So let’s here it for the advantages of being single!
1) Being free from arguments, other people’s moods and the silent treatment. You are free to enjoy any mood of your own choosing! It can actually be revealing to find out what you are like temperament wise left to your own devices. And if you’ve been through a tough time, now is the time to let your poor nerves heal.
2) Not always having to worry about what you look like or having a bad hair day.
3) Watching what you like on TV. And the main TV of the house as well!
4) Having the time to have a life of your own. Always had a hankering to learn how to scuba dive? Do it. If you fancy something a bit more sedate then check out your local evening courses. You can salsa, crochet, appreciate wine or cook soufflé until your heart’s content. It’s your time! I should probably also add start up a blog to that list. :)
5) Doing things on the spur of the moment. I’m guilty of not making the most of this one actually. But if you want to do anything from taking yourself off for the weekend to just giving up on the housework and settling in to a DVD and a glass of wine, why the hell not?!
6) Daring to be different. Sometimes it’s hard to believe this seeing as other - well meaning enough - people seem to feel so sorry for you. But daring to be on your own, to not succumb to the pressure to rush into the next relationship, any relationship, is the braver choice.
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
My Market Value
I honestly don’t think I’m that shallow when it comes to finding someone right for me. My past boyfriends have not been the most handsome guys in the world and that never mattered to me. But sometimes it is disheartening to come face to face with how someone views you, where they see your ‘market value’ being these days. By someone, I mean a friend. And by market value, I mean realising that because you are in your late thirties and single, any old guy will do. I’ve been introduced to a guy a few times now (not very tactfully either) who is the last person in the world I’d ever consider going out with.
I’m shocked, genuinely shocked, to find myself put in the path of someone who, 10 years ago I would have raised eyebrows at going out with! And in case you think I’m dismissing a lovely personality, all this has been taken into account - I’m really not.
I’m shocked, genuinely shocked, to find myself put in the path of someone who, 10 years ago I would have raised eyebrows at going out with! And in case you think I’m dismissing a lovely personality, all this has been taken into account - I’m really not.
The Disadvantages of Being Single - My Top 10
The disadvantages of being single are surprisingly well known to those in a relationship. Or so it would appear anyway as I am seemingly constantly reminded of them. It’s why I have become so fond of social gatherings! Here are some of my favourite disadvantages of being single. Feel free to add some of your own:
1) People thinking your ‘love life’ is an acceptable topic of conversation without boundaries or limits or respect for your private feelings. Having to answer the question ‘why?’ regarding your single status - as if you’d know.
2) Being approached by married men but given a wide birth by single men. Not just odd, but also great for the self esteem!
3) Going to weddings on your own. Talk about rubbing your nose in it.
4) Not being able to go to the pub/a movie/a restaurant pretty much when I like.
5) A disadvantage of being single that confuses me more than anything is how you suddenly become regarded as having always been single. I noticed this happening within weeks of my last major break up and it was like I may as well have been 5 years old for all I knew about relationships.
6) Not having as much money as those in couples.
7) Having no one on your side when you’ve had a bad day. Or anyone to run big, life changing decisions by.
8) Being used to bolster the self esteem of women who are in a relationship. They do this by endlessly going on about how lovely their partner has been to them, safe in the knowledge that you have no come back. An abuse of your friendship at worst, just plain boring at best.
9) The big, fat question mark that hangs over your future.
10) Always having to do the washing up.
Actually aside from the emotional aspects, I’ve made the disadvantages of being single all seem pretty trivial! Next post, let’s see how immaterial I can make the advantages of being single.
1) People thinking your ‘love life’ is an acceptable topic of conversation without boundaries or limits or respect for your private feelings. Having to answer the question ‘why?’ regarding your single status - as if you’d know.
2) Being approached by married men but given a wide birth by single men. Not just odd, but also great for the self esteem!
3) Going to weddings on your own. Talk about rubbing your nose in it.
4) Not being able to go to the pub/a movie/a restaurant pretty much when I like.
5) A disadvantage of being single that confuses me more than anything is how you suddenly become regarded as having always been single. I noticed this happening within weeks of my last major break up and it was like I may as well have been 5 years old for all I knew about relationships.
6) Not having as much money as those in couples.
7) Having no one on your side when you’ve had a bad day. Or anyone to run big, life changing decisions by.
8) Being used to bolster the self esteem of women who are in a relationship. They do this by endlessly going on about how lovely their partner has been to them, safe in the knowledge that you have no come back. An abuse of your friendship at worst, just plain boring at best.
9) The big, fat question mark that hangs over your future.
10) Always having to do the washing up.
Actually aside from the emotional aspects, I’ve made the disadvantages of being single all seem pretty trivial! Next post, let’s see how immaterial I can make the advantages of being single.
Monday, 16 November 2009
Online Dating Etiquette
Seeing as online dating is a relatively new phenomenon, what shape do you think etiquette will take? Will it be identical to face to face dating? Should it be? Or will a new language and behaviour all of its own come in?
I’ve been talking to a number of guys online for a while now and it’s certainly a mixed set of rules. Some prefer to take their time and build up a rapport. Some propose meeting up from practically the first email. Some ask for more photos of you outright and some hold back despite their obvious curiosity. And so on. Horses for course I guess.
But I find it amusing that technology has somewhat commandeered the order of things. If there is any kind of a pattern to this, I’d say it was thus: from emails to swapping MSN addresses, to swapping phone numbers, which leads to texting first and then talking, which finally, if you have the stamina to last this long, leads to a date. Sometimes you can get through all of these stages in a day, sometimes it can take weeks. It certainly means that you have a wealth of contact details for someone before you’ve even set eyes on them.
So how instructive are all of these tools of communication for getting to know someone? The old fashioned way of meeting someone in a pub or club took a little guts. Braving rejection, you went to talk to them and tried to find something in common as you bellowed at the top of your lungs to one another. But it was pretty brief by online dating standards. You got a number or a date within the hour and also had learned whether the individual had lived up to appearances.
The other thing about pub dating was that you were likely to have significantly fewer options than with online dating and maybe this should tell us something. The techno version allows you to chat to literally hundreds of people if you so wish. But exactly how many people can you keep track of? What do you find out or remember of anyone? We talk more but do we say more. Maybe there was something more intimate about meeting someone while out, and frankly that’s saying something.
So here I start to wonder whether the aforementioned etiquette is actually more habit. Have we fallen into a new routine hoping that love will somehow fall into place somewhere along the line? Somehow, I’m a little doubtful that this will happen if we don’t use this new method with more aim.
But there is one thing I do particularly like. Much as I rarely have found the contact through technology to be particularly revealing when it comes to the positive sides of someone’s character, I have found it has weeded out a few unsuitables. There are those who can talk eloquently via electronic means but I’ve been surprised to find over the phone that they lacked that special something. I guess that at least has saved me an evening.
I’ve been talking to a number of guys online for a while now and it’s certainly a mixed set of rules. Some prefer to take their time and build up a rapport. Some propose meeting up from practically the first email. Some ask for more photos of you outright and some hold back despite their obvious curiosity. And so on. Horses for course I guess.
But I find it amusing that technology has somewhat commandeered the order of things. If there is any kind of a pattern to this, I’d say it was thus: from emails to swapping MSN addresses, to swapping phone numbers, which leads to texting first and then talking, which finally, if you have the stamina to last this long, leads to a date. Sometimes you can get through all of these stages in a day, sometimes it can take weeks. It certainly means that you have a wealth of contact details for someone before you’ve even set eyes on them.
So how instructive are all of these tools of communication for getting to know someone? The old fashioned way of meeting someone in a pub or club took a little guts. Braving rejection, you went to talk to them and tried to find something in common as you bellowed at the top of your lungs to one another. But it was pretty brief by online dating standards. You got a number or a date within the hour and also had learned whether the individual had lived up to appearances.
The other thing about pub dating was that you were likely to have significantly fewer options than with online dating and maybe this should tell us something. The techno version allows you to chat to literally hundreds of people if you so wish. But exactly how many people can you keep track of? What do you find out or remember of anyone? We talk more but do we say more. Maybe there was something more intimate about meeting someone while out, and frankly that’s saying something.
So here I start to wonder whether the aforementioned etiquette is actually more habit. Have we fallen into a new routine hoping that love will somehow fall into place somewhere along the line? Somehow, I’m a little doubtful that this will happen if we don’t use this new method with more aim.
But there is one thing I do particularly like. Much as I rarely have found the contact through technology to be particularly revealing when it comes to the positive sides of someone’s character, I have found it has weeded out a few unsuitables. There are those who can talk eloquently via electronic means but I’ve been surprised to find over the phone that they lacked that special something. I guess that at least has saved me an evening.
Friday, 23 October 2009
Oh, nothing really
I had a bad week this week. Nothing major in the grand scheme of things, but it was certainly what they call 'a challenge'. There are very few times when being single truly affects me but for some reason it hit home these last few days. While friends and family can be a real support to you (and they have been great) it can be difficult to reach out to them to often as you want as you don't want to appear needy.
But this is hard in itself - being in a relationship offers you support on tap (ok, not always, I appreciate that). But you have to deal with so much more when you're on your own, find the strength not to collapse in a heap and solider on the hard way. I don't really have a point to make on this, but just wanted to acknowledge our guts!
I have a feeling this is a subject I'll return to at some point.
But this is hard in itself - being in a relationship offers you support on tap (ok, not always, I appreciate that). But you have to deal with so much more when you're on your own, find the strength not to collapse in a heap and solider on the hard way. I don't really have a point to make on this, but just wanted to acknowledge our guts!
I have a feeling this is a subject I'll return to at some point.
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Science and Soulmates?
I don’t usually go anywhere near the Mail online but this article intrigued me - although possibly didn’t surprise me all that much. If you’re not inclined to read it, and who could blame you, it focuses on psychometric testing and its uses in matching people on dating sites.
It intrigued me as it got me thinking over some of the experiences I’ve had - dates that I‘ve thought should have gone well, people that I shouldn‘t have fancied but have. The article correctly points out that there is no substitution for attraction, but just where does attraction come from anyway? And since when was it based on logical processes?? I fell for an ex the moment I laid eyes on him and it turned out the be the worse mistake of my life. He was in no way a looker, don’t get me wrong. Just felt immensely drawn to him. Another guy I dated for a while was the epitome of sweetness but I couldn’t, try as I might, see him as anything other than a friend. I can also recall someone that I emailed back and forth once on a dating site and couldn’t believe how clever and erudite this guy was. I LOVED talking to him - online. Within 5 minutes of being on the phone with him I was bored rigid and truly started to question if it was the same guy!
I wonder if psychometric testing could make sense of any of that for me? And if it can, I doubt it could persuade me to make different decisions. Maybe we’re just not good at doing what’s best for ourselves.
Anyways, the article certainly drew no conclusions (and neither did the comments underneath it) - some seemed to know right away when talking to a prospective partner online, some were left feeling disappointed. So what? Seems to me that psychometric testing creates just the same odds as luck - some you win, some you lose!
Angela x
It intrigued me as it got me thinking over some of the experiences I’ve had - dates that I‘ve thought should have gone well, people that I shouldn‘t have fancied but have. The article correctly points out that there is no substitution for attraction, but just where does attraction come from anyway? And since when was it based on logical processes?? I fell for an ex the moment I laid eyes on him and it turned out the be the worse mistake of my life. He was in no way a looker, don’t get me wrong. Just felt immensely drawn to him. Another guy I dated for a while was the epitome of sweetness but I couldn’t, try as I might, see him as anything other than a friend. I can also recall someone that I emailed back and forth once on a dating site and couldn’t believe how clever and erudite this guy was. I LOVED talking to him - online. Within 5 minutes of being on the phone with him I was bored rigid and truly started to question if it was the same guy!
I wonder if psychometric testing could make sense of any of that for me? And if it can, I doubt it could persuade me to make different decisions. Maybe we’re just not good at doing what’s best for ourselves.
Anyways, the article certainly drew no conclusions (and neither did the comments underneath it) - some seemed to know right away when talking to a prospective partner online, some were left feeling disappointed. So what? Seems to me that psychometric testing creates just the same odds as luck - some you win, some you lose!
Angela x
Friday, 22 May 2009
Well What Do You Know...
You go and sign up to a dating site and then you meet someone the natural way. But before you imagine that I’ve got my love life all sorted, there’s a catch. I’m already not seeing him any more. But I did think it was a great case of sod’s law all the same.
I was actually just popping out to get a few bits from the shop for a quiet Sunday when I bumped into a friend and her brother having a quiet drink. I joined them, it all got a lot less quiet and then for reasons that I can’t quite remember, she turned round to a couple of Italian guys behind us and we all got chatting. Before you know it, I was having a full on night out complete with booze, pulling and swapping phone numbers.
Anyways, I saw him a couple of times after that night and had a great time but for some reason I just didn’t feel we clicked. And I’ve kind been left wondering why? I’ve often wondered at what it is that makes the difference between someone that you like and someone that drives you crazy! Am I now just being too picky I wonder. I have to say that I don’t think that I am - I’m waiting to meet someone that floats my boat and nothing else will do. Is that so wrong??
I was actually just popping out to get a few bits from the shop for a quiet Sunday when I bumped into a friend and her brother having a quiet drink. I joined them, it all got a lot less quiet and then for reasons that I can’t quite remember, she turned round to a couple of Italian guys behind us and we all got chatting. Before you know it, I was having a full on night out complete with booze, pulling and swapping phone numbers.
Anyways, I saw him a couple of times after that night and had a great time but for some reason I just didn’t feel we clicked. And I’ve kind been left wondering why? I’ve often wondered at what it is that makes the difference between someone that you like and someone that drives you crazy! Am I now just being too picky I wonder. I have to say that I don’t think that I am - I’m waiting to meet someone that floats my boat and nothing else will do. Is that so wrong??
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