God. I was out this evening and bumped into someone who I haven't seen for a few years. I was subjected to what I have recently been calling the 'Who Loves Ya Baby' syndrome where your interrogator grills you for information on your love life - their reasons for doing this are known only to them and certainly lost on me. First comes the question about whether or not you have a boyfriend. When that draws a blank they start to move down the list towards your inevitable humiliation. Eventually, and you know it's coming, you're going to have to get to get it through to them that there is no one in your life - no boyfriend, no casual date, no one at all.
No amount of distraction, no talk of your other achievements, no talk of a great line up of fun, social events on the horizon will deter these courtship Kojak's in their mission to make a 'normal' of you! It was as ever a pleasure to disappoint :) I will, I have no doubt, revisit this subject.
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
Monday, 4 January 2010
New Year, New Dating Drive?
Ok New Year, new dating drive right? Wrong. At least it’s wrong for now as I haven’t got a lot of time on my hands in January. That and the fact that the several hundred mince pies haven’t done much for my self esteem. I would of course embark on a doomed fitness regime along with everyone else but like I say, I’m busy for the next 3 or 4 days or however long it will take for everyone to start slumping back into the sofa, watching The One Show.
But that DOESN’T mean that I’m not planning on getting back out there. I had a bit of a pep talk from a friend on Christmas Eve and it’s really buoyed me up actually. It wasn’t that I was feeling particularly down but I had started to get used to the idea that I would stay on my own. I was beginning to have a singleton’s air about me and unfortunately I found it suited.
However, after one of her characteristic morale boosting speeches - which really do deserve a round of applause - I remembered that there are things I miss about having a boyfriend. Namely, someone to drink expensive wine with, someone to share the cost of drinking expensive wine with, weekends away looking at castles, someone to discuss the crapness of the rest of the world with and the obvious but all important romantic meals out. I don’t ask for much really do I? Watch this space because I shall be starting again soon! And if I don’t, please feel free to give me an online kick up the backside.
But that DOESN’T mean that I’m not planning on getting back out there. I had a bit of a pep talk from a friend on Christmas Eve and it’s really buoyed me up actually. It wasn’t that I was feeling particularly down but I had started to get used to the idea that I would stay on my own. I was beginning to have a singleton’s air about me and unfortunately I found it suited.
However, after one of her characteristic morale boosting speeches - which really do deserve a round of applause - I remembered that there are things I miss about having a boyfriend. Namely, someone to drink expensive wine with, someone to share the cost of drinking expensive wine with, weekends away looking at castles, someone to discuss the crapness of the rest of the world with and the obvious but all important romantic meals out. I don’t ask for much really do I? Watch this space because I shall be starting again soon! And if I don’t, please feel free to give me an online kick up the backside.
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
The Wrong Guy
Confession time. I went on a date and ending up sort of chatting up someone else!
Of course now I feel a bit bad, but to be honest the date wasn't going all that well and I was finding it hard to keep the conversation going. After about an hour and a half I happened to spot someone I know, and between you and me, quite fancy! There would never be anything going on between me and this fancy man, he's not the type to get involved with if you know what I mean. But he is always good company and I was in certainly in need of that! I popped over to say hello and then stayed a little longer than was formally polite. By which I mean I was blatantly flirting with him.
The thing is, rotten as I feel, I'm trying to figure out whether what I did was really all that terrible? Impolite, yes but terrible? I was really having to work hard to stop the conversation from grinding to a halt with this guy, he was hardly putting in any effort in at all and I was beginning to lose the will to carry on. Everytime I stopped talking in the desperate hope he would take the hint and say something he looked at me as if there was something wrong, like I wasn't fulfilling my side of the deal. In fact now I think of it, at one point he really did say, "You've gone quiet". I simply couldn't resist the temptation for a bit of light relief.
So, final conclusion. I know I was wrong to leave the poor guy sitting there, I was wrong to indulge in a little flirting - but do I regret squeezing a bit of a laugh out of the evening? Got to say, I don't think I do!
Of course now I feel a bit bad, but to be honest the date wasn't going all that well and I was finding it hard to keep the conversation going. After about an hour and a half I happened to spot someone I know, and between you and me, quite fancy! There would never be anything going on between me and this fancy man, he's not the type to get involved with if you know what I mean. But he is always good company and I was in certainly in need of that! I popped over to say hello and then stayed a little longer than was formally polite. By which I mean I was blatantly flirting with him.
The thing is, rotten as I feel, I'm trying to figure out whether what I did was really all that terrible? Impolite, yes but terrible? I was really having to work hard to stop the conversation from grinding to a halt with this guy, he was hardly putting in any effort in at all and I was beginning to lose the will to carry on. Everytime I stopped talking in the desperate hope he would take the hint and say something he looked at me as if there was something wrong, like I wasn't fulfilling my side of the deal. In fact now I think of it, at one point he really did say, "You've gone quiet". I simply couldn't resist the temptation for a bit of light relief.
So, final conclusion. I know I was wrong to leave the poor guy sitting there, I was wrong to indulge in a little flirting - but do I regret squeezing a bit of a laugh out of the evening? Got to say, I don't think I do!
Monday, 30 November 2009
The Advantages of Being Single
The advantages of being single are frankly not taken seriously enough. More likely to be seen as platitudes or ‘keeping your chin up’, reasons for enjoying the single life are actually life enhancing, good for the soul and blissful respite for those recovering from a difficult past relationship. So let’s here it for the advantages of being single!
1) Being free from arguments, other people’s moods and the silent treatment. You are free to enjoy any mood of your own choosing! It can actually be revealing to find out what you are like temperament wise left to your own devices. And if you’ve been through a tough time, now is the time to let your poor nerves heal.
2) Not always having to worry about what you look like or having a bad hair day.
3) Watching what you like on TV. And the main TV of the house as well!
4) Having the time to have a life of your own. Always had a hankering to learn how to scuba dive? Do it. If you fancy something a bit more sedate then check out your local evening courses. You can salsa, crochet, appreciate wine or cook soufflé until your heart’s content. It’s your time! I should probably also add start up a blog to that list. :)
5) Doing things on the spur of the moment. I’m guilty of not making the most of this one actually. But if you want to do anything from taking yourself off for the weekend to just giving up on the housework and settling in to a DVD and a glass of wine, why the hell not?!
6) Daring to be different. Sometimes it’s hard to believe this seeing as other - well meaning enough - people seem to feel so sorry for you. But daring to be on your own, to not succumb to the pressure to rush into the next relationship, any relationship, is the braver choice.
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
My Market Value
I honestly don’t think I’m that shallow when it comes to finding someone right for me. My past boyfriends have not been the most handsome guys in the world and that never mattered to me. But sometimes it is disheartening to come face to face with how someone views you, where they see your ‘market value’ being these days. By someone, I mean a friend. And by market value, I mean realising that because you are in your late thirties and single, any old guy will do. I’ve been introduced to a guy a few times now (not very tactfully either) who is the last person in the world I’d ever consider going out with.
I’m shocked, genuinely shocked, to find myself put in the path of someone who, 10 years ago I would have raised eyebrows at going out with! And in case you think I’m dismissing a lovely personality, all this has been taken into account - I’m really not.
I’m shocked, genuinely shocked, to find myself put in the path of someone who, 10 years ago I would have raised eyebrows at going out with! And in case you think I’m dismissing a lovely personality, all this has been taken into account - I’m really not.
The Disadvantages of Being Single - My Top 10
The disadvantages of being single are surprisingly well known to those in a relationship. Or so it would appear anyway as I am seemingly constantly reminded of them. It’s why I have become so fond of social gatherings! Here are some of my favourite disadvantages of being single. Feel free to add some of your own:
1) People thinking your ‘love life’ is an acceptable topic of conversation without boundaries or limits or respect for your private feelings. Having to answer the question ‘why?’ regarding your single status - as if you’d know.
2) Being approached by married men but given a wide birth by single men. Not just odd, but also great for the self esteem!
3) Going to weddings on your own. Talk about rubbing your nose in it.
4) Not being able to go to the pub/a movie/a restaurant pretty much when I like.
5) A disadvantage of being single that confuses me more than anything is how you suddenly become regarded as having always been single. I noticed this happening within weeks of my last major break up and it was like I may as well have been 5 years old for all I knew about relationships.
6) Not having as much money as those in couples.
7) Having no one on your side when you’ve had a bad day. Or anyone to run big, life changing decisions by.
8) Being used to bolster the self esteem of women who are in a relationship. They do this by endlessly going on about how lovely their partner has been to them, safe in the knowledge that you have no come back. An abuse of your friendship at worst, just plain boring at best.
9) The big, fat question mark that hangs over your future.
10) Always having to do the washing up.
Actually aside from the emotional aspects, I’ve made the disadvantages of being single all seem pretty trivial! Next post, let’s see how immaterial I can make the advantages of being single.
1) People thinking your ‘love life’ is an acceptable topic of conversation without boundaries or limits or respect for your private feelings. Having to answer the question ‘why?’ regarding your single status - as if you’d know.
2) Being approached by married men but given a wide birth by single men. Not just odd, but also great for the self esteem!
3) Going to weddings on your own. Talk about rubbing your nose in it.
4) Not being able to go to the pub/a movie/a restaurant pretty much when I like.
5) A disadvantage of being single that confuses me more than anything is how you suddenly become regarded as having always been single. I noticed this happening within weeks of my last major break up and it was like I may as well have been 5 years old for all I knew about relationships.
6) Not having as much money as those in couples.
7) Having no one on your side when you’ve had a bad day. Or anyone to run big, life changing decisions by.
8) Being used to bolster the self esteem of women who are in a relationship. They do this by endlessly going on about how lovely their partner has been to them, safe in the knowledge that you have no come back. An abuse of your friendship at worst, just plain boring at best.
9) The big, fat question mark that hangs over your future.
10) Always having to do the washing up.
Actually aside from the emotional aspects, I’ve made the disadvantages of being single all seem pretty trivial! Next post, let’s see how immaterial I can make the advantages of being single.
Monday, 23 November 2009
Cooking up a bit of Romance
Believe it or not, Jamie Oliver has branched out into the dating market with his new venture. Apparently he wants to help those who love food to love each other. Despite how that sounds, it’s not dating for the overweight but is in fact bringing those with a shared interest in cookery together, a dating site for foodies. Personally, I can’t think of anything worse but this is because this is yet another area that I’m an incompetent idiot in.
But that doesn’t stop me wondering how their conversations will go. And how far do they go on a first date?? Would it be considered too forward to share family recipes? I reckon that’s a third date matter.
I doubt I’ll ever found out the answer to these fascinating questions. I’m afraid this is another aspect of the dating game that will exclude me - and no doubt from the dinner parties that result from them getting together as well!
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