Ed Byrne and Weddings

I went to see Ed Byrne last night and he was predictably absolutely hilarious! It may be a cliché but laughter is the best medicine and I’m feeling pretty chipper today.


While he had a kind of theme around class and where to place yourself these days, a lot of the biggest laughs were for his piece on his wedding and the ridiculous amount of fuss that surrounded it. If this was truly to be the happiest day of their lives, he argued, shouldn’t it be the one day when tiny details would matter the LEAST?! Now , he claims, he wakes up to marital bliss every day - all down to knowing that he doesn’t have wedding to organise.

I’m even more convinced than ever that all you need for the perfect wedding is a plan to elope and a couple of bottles of champagne :)

EHarmony gets a ticking off

Ok, I’ve been looking at the news for online dating again so you can guess that things aren’t too exciting around here. I came across this a couple of hours ago - online dating company eHarmony have been rapped for misleading ads in their bid to take over the UK market for sad singletons (I‘m paraphrasing). The idea that a large company was being accused of false advertising is hardly surprising. I don’t believe anyone bolted upright in their chair at the mention of the statistic that “2% of US newly weds met via the site”. I find it more surprising that anyone fought their way through the fog of inertia to complain to be honest.

But there was something that struck me. Towards the end it mentions that it fails to point out in its advertising that in 20% of cases, they failed to find a match! What does that mean?? I’ve never looked at the service so I don’t know how it works but is this saying that 20% of all people who sign up are not fit for love? For relationships? For human interaction? I’m not remotely surprised that they fail to mention it, it’s got to be one of the scariest concepts I’ve ever heard of. And reason enough to stay away. That’s something about myself I don’t want to know.

Online Dating Etiquette

Seeing as online dating is a relatively new phenomenon, what shape do you think etiquette will take? Will it be identical to face to face dating? Should it be? Or will a new language and behaviour all of its own come in?

I’ve been talking to a number of guys online for a while now and it’s certainly a mixed set of rules. Some prefer to take their time and build up a rapport. Some propose meeting up from practically the first email. Some ask for more photos of you outright and some hold back despite their obvious curiosity. And so on. Horses for course I guess.

But I find it amusing that technology has somewhat commandeered the order of things. If there is any kind of a pattern to this, I’d say it was thus: from emails to swapping MSN addresses, to swapping phone numbers, which leads to texting first and then talking, which finally, if you have the stamina to last this long, leads to a date. Sometimes you can get through all of these stages in a day, sometimes it can take weeks. It certainly means that you have a wealth of contact details for someone before you’ve even set eyes on them.

So how instructive are all of these tools of communication for getting to know someone? The old fashioned way of meeting someone in a pub or club took a little guts. Braving rejection, you went to talk to them and tried to find something in common as you bellowed at the top of your lungs to one another. But it was pretty brief by online dating standards. You got a number or a date within the hour and also had learned whether the individual had lived up to appearances.

The other thing about pub dating was that you were likely to have significantly fewer options than with online dating and maybe this should tell us something. The techno version allows you to chat to literally hundreds of people if you so wish. But exactly how many people can you keep track of? What do you find out or remember of anyone? We talk more but do we say more. Maybe there was something more intimate about meeting someone while out, and frankly that’s saying something.

So here I start to wonder whether the aforementioned etiquette is actually more habit. Have we fallen into a new routine hoping that love will somehow fall into place somewhere along the line? Somehow, I’m a little doubtful that this will happen if we don’t use this new method with more aim.

But there is one thing I do particularly like. Much as I rarely have found the contact through technology to be particularly revealing when it comes to the positive sides of someone’s character, I have found it has weeded out a few unsuitables. There are those who can talk eloquently via electronic means but I’ve been surprised to find over the phone that they lacked that special something. I guess that at least has saved me an evening.

The Elite of the Beautiful People?

You may have seen some discussions about the online dating site beautifulpeople.com lately as it seems to be courting controversy by only allowing attractive people - as rated by their current members - to join up and fraternise with one another. The general consensus amongst commentators is that this is no way to approach finding love because it’s “superficial” and “shallow” and totally against the “beauty is only skin deep” mantra that we sagely nod along to these days.

But how about “misguided”? Possibly even “immature”. I mean, I know looks are undoubtedly one of the most important factors for judging others when we meet someone and there is no way we can deny the overwhelming power of physical attraction. But I can’t help but notice that looks are not the greatest indicator of successful relationships. Hollywood may be the home of the beautiful people but sadly doesn’t have such a great track record when it comes to enduring marriages.

And thinking about it, this actually seems to be bear out as a theory in my own life. All of the best looking people that I know are still unmarried or single in their thirties, the happily paired up ones are a little on the homely side. But lovely people, all of them, of course.

Weirder still is that none of this will stop me fretting over the way I look and trying to aim for perfection - however woefully short I may fall. Go figure.

Oh, nothing really

I had a bad week this week. Nothing major in the grand scheme of things, but it was certainly what they call 'a challenge'. There are very few times when being single truly affects me but for some reason it hit home these last few days. While friends and family can be a real support to you (and they have been great) it can be difficult to reach out to them to often as you want as you don't want to appear needy.

But this is hard in itself - being in a relationship offers you support on tap (ok, not always, I appreciate that). But you have to deal with so much more when you're on your own, find the strength not to collapse in a heap and solider on the hard way. I don't really have a point to make on this, but just wanted to acknowledge our guts!

I have a feeling this is a subject I'll return to at some point.

Science and Soulmates?

I don’t usually go anywhere near the Mail online but this article intrigued me - although possibly didn’t surprise me all that much. If you’re not inclined to read it, and who could blame you, it focuses on psychometric testing and its uses in matching people on dating sites.

It intrigued me as it got me thinking over some of the experiences I’ve had - dates that I‘ve thought should have gone well, people that I shouldn‘t have fancied but have. The article correctly points out that there is no substitution for attraction, but just where does attraction come from anyway? And since when was it based on logical processes?? I fell for an ex the moment I laid eyes on him and it turned out the be the worse mistake of my life. He was in no way a looker, don’t get me wrong. Just felt immensely drawn to him. Another guy I dated for a while was the epitome of sweetness but I couldn’t, try as I might, see him as anything other than a friend. I can also recall someone that I emailed back and forth once on a dating site and couldn’t believe how clever and erudite this guy was. I LOVED talking to him - online. Within 5 minutes of being on the phone with him I was bored rigid and truly started to question if it was the same guy!

I wonder if psychometric testing could make sense of any of that for me? And if it can, I doubt it could persuade me to make different decisions. Maybe we’re just not good at doing what’s best for ourselves.

Anyways, the article certainly drew no conclusions (and neither did the comments underneath it) - some seemed to know right away when talking to a prospective partner online, some were left feeling disappointed. So what? Seems to me that psychometric testing creates just the same odds as luck - some you win, some you lose!

Angela x

Well What Do You Know...

You go and sign up to a dating site and then you meet someone the natural way. But before you imagine that I’ve got my love life all sorted, there’s a catch. I’m already not seeing him any more. But I did think it was a great case of sod’s law all the same.

I was actually just popping out to get a few bits from the shop for a quiet Sunday when I bumped into a friend and her brother having a quiet drink. I joined them, it all got a lot less quiet and then for reasons that I can’t quite remember, she turned round to a couple of Italian guys behind us and we all got chatting. Before you know it, I was having a full on night out complete with booze, pulling and swapping phone numbers.

Anyways, I saw him a couple of times after that night and had a great time but for some reason I just didn’t feel we clicked. And I’ve kind been left wondering why? I’ve often wondered at what it is that makes the difference between someone that you like and someone that drives you crazy! Am I now just being too picky I wonder. I have to say that I don’t think that I am - I’m waiting to meet someone that floats my boat and nothing else will do. Is that so wrong??